Sincerely Yours, Theodore Nott
by OCD ADD Goldfish
Summary: 'Letters of the things I never got the chance to say.' Drabble style, letters from Theodore Nott to Tracey Davis.
1. Letter I

**Disclaimer: **World of Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling.

**A/n: **Letters of the things Theodore never got the chance to say.

For "The If You Dare Challenge" and the "A Drabble a day keeps the doctor away Challenge." Should be updated every day (except Saturdays), and by the end there should be 60 of these.

**Prompt:** Nobody Knows It Like I Do (#97)

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_September 1st, 1997_

If you ever get your hands on this letter, you might be wondering why I'm writing to you, when we've rarely ever spoken.

A lot of people think I'm shy. I'm not sure why they get this impression, just because I choose not to spend time with people or because I rarely speak. The truth is, I've never really seen the point, or thought anyone was worthy.

Except you.

You're different. You've always been different.

And you're special. Maybe no one else has noticed because they are too busy being blinded by Daphne's radiance, but I have. I've spent an embarrassing amount of time, watching you, ever since first year.

And though we've never really spoken more than a handful of words... I miss you. I miss you now that you're not here this school year, more than any summer I've spent away from you.

Maybe that's strange to you... missing someone you've barely spoken to... someone you don't have any kind of relationship with... but there you have it. A confession from a strange, loner of a boy.

One of many I plan to write.

But not now.

I'm a boy of few words, and I think for tonight, I've already said more than enough.

I hope that wherever you are, you're safe.

Sincerely Yours,_  
Theodore Nott_

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_**Please review!**_


	2. Letter II

**Prompt:** Rain (#459)

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_September 2nd, 1997_

It's been raining all day today, and we had Herbology this morning (I know you don't really care for Herbology though).

I've always enjoyed the rain. Especially when the grass is still green, and the sky looks a pearly grey. I'm not sure why, but it reminds me of you... and me- what we could be together. Because your eyes are shocking green of grass on a grey-skied day. And well... I think I overheard Daphne once describe my eyes as watery grey.

That's probably not something you really want to read. To you, this is probably still strange. But, I know that in all likelihood that you'll never get any of these letters.

In a way, it's not so bad to write letters to someone who is never going to read them. It means I can write you anything, and not have to worry about what you may think. Not have to worry if you think I'm being creepy, or ridiculous or even sentimental.

But... a part of me hopes that you might one day read these letters. Because that would mean that you've survived.

I really want you to survive.

Sincerely Yours,  
_Theodore Nott_

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**Please review!**


	3. Letter III

**Prompt:** A Fool's Hope (#513)

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_September 3rd, 1997_

Today we had our first "Defense" class with Amycus Carrow. I would tell you how horrendous it was (because writing these letters to you is damning in itself, if they are ever found, that it wouldn't make much a difference as to their content), but I don't want these letters to be about darkness.

Nor do I want to seem to be whining about my circumstance, knowing your own is more perilous if you were to be caught by Snatchers.

I want these letters to be about light. Hope. Love.

Although, it's hard to feel those things with the atmosphere. And it is difficult to speak of love, when I feel my heart aching terribly because of your absence.

It was enough for me... admiring you from afar. But I can't stand not being able to see you, not knowing if I'll ever get the chance to see your pretty face again.

I'm sorry about the pessimism. That's my nature... maybe Slytherin's nature period.

Hell... I've really messed up this letter.

I'll try again tomorrow then and maybe just scrap this one.

Sincerely Yours,  
_Theodore Nott_

_P. S._ In spite of being a pessimist, there is one thing I don't lose hope in. And that's you. Maybe I'm a fool. Maybe I simply can't stop believing in you, because doing so would kill me. But you're a strong witch, always have been. So maybe I'm not such a great fool.

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**Please review!**


	4. Letter IV

**Prompt:** Alienate (#465)

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_September 4th, 1997_

I've never tried to make friends. I've never felt the need for one. Probably because for as long as I can remember, books were the best company I'd ever kept.

Even so... despite being estranged, Blaise was my best friend. My only friend.

I don't know if you knew that. Blaise and I rarely spoke much at Hogwarts... but we were friends when we were very little. More because Blaise actually tried, then because of any effort on my part. Which is probably surprising... given how Blaise is... that he would try to become friends and actually endeavor to remain friends, with someone like me.

I haven't been a good friend to him.

When he took you to the Yule Ball - in spite of all rational thought- I hated him. Hated him for having the courage to do what I couldn't bring myself to do. Hated him for having the attention of the only person that ever made me feel anything anymore.

Logically, I knew it didn't matter. We were only fourteen, it was only one school dance... it wasn't like you were going to be together forever. I knew who Blaise was becoming, knew that because of his mother, he would never be capable of committing to one girl. I knew that he would hurt you.

Perhaps I should have warned you, but something stopped me. I don't know if it was some form of loyalty to Blaise, lingering from a childhood littered with memories of my only companion in the darkness. Maybe it was simply, that I was a coward. Maybe I just felt, like you needed a broken romantic history that would pale into what I hoped I'd one day provide you...

But I couldn't help feeling like my world was falling around me every time I saw you together, even though I knew it was doomed to fail.

When it did... when you found out he was cheating on you in sixth year and I saw you that night, with tears streaming down your face... I thought I'd fall apart, right along with you.

I'm still surprised, that you let me cradle you and comfort you.

You don't know how much that memory has lingered with me. How I can still remember how small and perfect you felt in my arms, even though you were sobbing into my chest.

As much as I would have liked the circumstance to have been different, for your heart not to have been broken while I held you in my arms... I still treasure that memory.

It's the only one I have in which you were wrapped up in my arms.

I hope this confession... that I could have spared you pain if I'd only said something, doesn't alienate you. I hope these letters, don't push you away the way I've managed to push away from my life.

Sincerely Yours,  
_Theodore Nott_

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**Review please!**


	5. Letter V

**A/n: **I tried putting this one up on Friday, but I couldn't upload anything. I'll probably update again later.

**Prompt:** Shooting Stars (#193)

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_September 5th, 1997_

I still take Astronomy. It's a class so small now, that there are only eight of us in total, and none of them are Gryffindors. I'm the only Slytherin.

But staring at all those stars, I found myself remembering my mother.

I was only four when she died. There aren't very many memories I have of her, but those I do...

I recall one night, when father was asleep... it was very late and she came into my room and roused me from my sleep. And she took me to the observatory and for the first and only time in my life, I saw shooting stars and she asked me to make a wish.

That's the last memory I have of her. I think she died that very same week.

She was beautiful you know. And so young... I often wondered as a child, why she married father, who was old enough to look like he was _her_ father.

I didn't know then, but I know now... she was only twenty-one when she died, but when I recall what she looked like, she really looked no older than we do now.

Strangely... I don't miss her because I know wherever she is, she's in a better place. Far away form the clutches of my father and I like to think that she's looking after me better now, then she could when she was alive.

She wasn't strong... she's not like you.

When I wished on that star all those years ago, I wished for the strength to survive, to live, to hope, to dream and to find love and accept it.

I didn't know then, but I know now, I was wishing for you.

Sincerely Yours,  
_Theodore Nott_

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**Review please?**


	6. Letter VI

**Prompt:** Bones (#508)

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_September 5th, 1997_

I'm extremely tired.

I landed myself in detention today, but I'd rather not go into details.

If this letter is strange or brief, attribute it to my exhaustion and the pain-killing potions given to me by Madam Pomfrey…

You have lovely bones.

Or rather, a lovely bone structure.

Your frame is so small and delicate, that sometimes I worry that you might crumble like exquisitely fine marzipan. But I know in spite of how small you are, that you're strong.

And beautiful.

You have lovely wrists... they are small and appear fragile. Your fingers are long and elegant. Perfect in fact. And your knees are charming... not knobby or overly large as some have.

I should try to sleep, instead of writing such nonsense. But I miss you so awfully that I can't help, but wish to at least write to you.

Please be safe Tracey.

Sincerely Yours,  
_Theodore Nott_


	7. Letter VII

**Prompt:** Lost in a Maze (#324)

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_September 6th, 1997_

I had a dream that I was lost in this maze. It was dark, and I was running through it, but no matter where I turned, I kept running into dead ends.

I had to feel my way through, it was so dark. The walls were cold and made of stone, and... I felt that sensation you get, when there are Dementors around. But no matter how quickly I tried to move, I couldn't escape the feeling.

And then finally, just as I was ready to simply stop because no matter where I turned, I wasn't getting anywhere... you appeared.

You were the light in the dark... you glowed like a warm fire... and you took my hand, and you guided me out, though you never said a word.

You don't know this, but you were always my guiding light. Whenever I had a terrible night's sleep, plagued by dreams... all I had to do was see your face. See your green eyes, your shiny auburn hair, or your rare but sparkling smile and I felt like I was safe.

But you're not longer here to comfort me... and I'm completely lost, except for these letter you may never even see.

Sincerely Yours,  
_Theodore Nott_


	8. Letter VIII

**Prompt:** Fear (#512)

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_September 8th, 1997_

If you've noticed it's been a couple days since I've written, its because sometimes it's difficult to find the time to write. Or find the solitude I require to write these letters.

There is fear everywhere now. But that's something I'm used to. Living with fear.

My father is not a good man.

I'm sure you've heard the rumors about him and I wish I could say they were all lies. But I'm sure that the tales of his cruelty and sadism are fairly accurate. In all honesty... he makes Professor Snape look kind and harmless by comparison.

My father is a monster. One I've always had to live with.

I used to be afraid of him when I was small. But more than for my own safety, I feared for my mum's.

This war... sometimes it seems like a nightmare we're all trapped in. And this is a world my father thrives in.

Inside these castle walls, it isn't any better. And blood only protects you to a certain extent.

But I'm not afraid of the Carrows. And I'm no longer afraid of my father.

But I'm afraid for you. And I'm afraid I'll never get to see you again.

Please be alive Tracey.

Please be safe.

Sincerely Yours,  
_Theodore Nott. _


	9. Letter IX

**Prompt:** In a Coma (#180)

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_September 10th, 1997_

You know, I've read muggle fairy tales and there are two stories in which a princess falls into an enchanted sleep as part of an evil curse placed on her by a witch. This is supposed to be a curse from which they cannot awaken, except for with a kiss from their True Love.

It doesn't make very much sense to me why anyone would think this is a curse.

Being in a coma while you're separated from your true love and waking only once they've come to bestow a kiss on you, doesn't seem like a terrible curse at the moment.

I suppose that this would be contingent upon whether or not someone would come to save you from the curse...and perhaps that's too much to hope for.

But if you're going to die, doing it through sleep doesn't seem like such a horrible way to go.

Sincerely yours,  
_Theodore Nott_


	10. Letter X

**Prompt:** Dreams (#511)

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_September 12th, 1997_

I suffer from bouts of depression. It's really not a big deal... simply something that I live with. To me it's as normal as sleeping. It's always been a part of who I am, like a birthmark one might have from birth.

It isn't as though I'm suicidal, though the thoughts sometimes crosses my mind. But I wouldn't ever go through with it. Not while I still have hope and something to live for.

But there are days where it is difficult to drag myself out of bed. To want to do anything but sleep.

Sometimes it's only these periods of time, when I feel like I can get any sleep at all.

And the only way I can drag myself out of bed in the morning, is the promise that I'd be able to see you.

But you're not here. And I've spent the past couple days in bed.

I've missed classes, something I've never done before. But with the ways things are going lately... even they seem pointless.

I know when I return to them, that I will be punished. But for now, I'm content with that. So long as I can sleep and dream of you.

Sincerely yours,  
_Theodore Nott_


	11. Letter XI

**Prompt:** True Love (#530)

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_September 15th, 1997_

In case it hasn't been apparent, in everything I've written thus far, I want to put it down here now. There is no telling, even inside these castle walls, how long anyone has.

I love you, Tracey.

The love I have for you is unselfish and true.

I've loved you since first year, and it's a love that has never waned. It's always been constant.

For your sake alone, I hope that this war will end, and that the end should allow you to live a full and happy life. I hope that you survive. And I hope a love for you, that makes your days complete, even if it isn't with me.

I just hope, that whoever he is that you chose to love, that he is as devoted and true to you as I am.

Sincerely Yours,  
_Theodore Nott_


	12. Letter XII

**Prompt:** Swan (#194)

_September 19th, 1997_

I've been reading over these letters and decided that I have thus far failed miserably. I wish them to be about hope and love... but thus far they seem to be filled with darkness. I suppose it's to be expected, they are a reflection of the times we are living in.

So I suppose I should write instead, of times past, or my desires for the future.

You know in fourth year, Blaise stated once that you'd grown into a beautiful Swan.

I've never been quite certain what he meant by that... because to me, you've always been beautiful. You didn't suddenly become beautiful, as he felt. You were beautiful and lovely all along.

Love, _  
Theodore Nott_

_P. S. _Though I am completely and utterly yours, I find that I should really be sending you my love with every letter I write, because I'll never be able to express it enough.


	13. Letter XIII

**Prompt:** White (#179)

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_September 20th, 1997_

I have dreams of you, wearing white.

To me, that has been my greatest ambition. My most cherished dream.

I'm not sure how you feel about marriage, personally. If you find that it isn't to your desire, I suppose I really wouldn't mind. What matters to me would be spending the rest of my days by your side.

Though... you would look your loveliest in white. And you deserve that... one day.

I hope one day I shall see it, even if it isn't me at your side... though my heart would be breaking to see you wear white for someone else.

Love,  
_Theodore Nott_


	14. Letter XIV

**Prompt:** Pentacle (#100)

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_September 21st, 1997_

I came across a library book today, and noticed a pentacle in one of the margins, and found myself wondering if you'd put it there.

I remember in third year, you used to draw pentacles everywhere. Well... not only in third year. It's something you did quite often, but the first time I noticed was in third year.

I'm not sure why you did it. I've always been curious about it... and as strange as it may be, it's one of the things that I regret.

I wish I could ask you... why?

I hope that I'll see you again, and have the opportunity to ask you about your strange but intriguing habit.

Love,  
_Theodore Nott_

_P. S._ I find myself now looking for pentacles in every library book I come across. I want any part of you I can come across.


	15. Letter XV

**Disclaimer: **This chapter was inspired by the Labyrinth. The Goblin King is not of my own creation.**  
**

**A/n: **As this story is told in letter format, and I don't want to disrupt that, it's difficult to put in another perspective (especially as with the war, Theodore isn't sending these letters but keeping them all in the hope that he can one day deliver them safely). However, that isn't to say, that there will be no resolution in the end where Tracey's feelings may be revealed or how she feels about all these letters.

Thanks a lot to _xXMiss Alec VolturiXx_ for reviewing so faithfully. Glad someone is enjoying these letters. :)

**Prompt:** Destroyed Childhood (#522)

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_September 25th, 1997_

I haven't been able to sleep. I've been dreaming of home... but they're more like nightmares. Because home is more like a nightmare.

When I was little and used to have a nightmare, I remember my mum would tell me stories to help me fall asleep.

My favorite story was always of the Goblin King.

He was a fae, fierce and mercurial; the cruel and steadfast ruler of his domain, and everyone bowed before him.

But he was lonely, and though eternally young, he was very old.

The Goblin King, though fearsome, was what protected my childhood from complete destruction.

If you're wondering why hist story was my favorite, it because of the girl with stars in her eyes and her head in the clouds. Because the Goblin King reordered time, and turned the world upside down, just for her. And she could reject him and every dream he offered, and still walk away.

You see, even Goblin King's can be ruled and defeated, by a young mortal girl. Then maybe even this war can come to an end.

And though I can't offer you the moon and the stars, it doesn't really matter. It didn't do the Goblin King much good.

But I'd never be cruel to you.

That's why the Goblin King failed. He was so used to showing cruelty, that he didn't know any other way to show his love though he never actually hurt the girl he loved.

Love,  
_Theodore Nott_


	16. Letter XVI

**Prompt:** Golden Sky (#525)

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_September 27th, 1997_

It's my eighteenth birthday today.

And the sky was golden today, though it had been raining for a week straight.

It was beautiful, and I couldn't help wondering at it and wondering if wherever you are, if it looked as glorious to you, as it was to me. And if made you feel like just maybe, things would turn out okay.

Love,  
_Theodore Nott_


	17. Letter XVII

**Prompt:** Prison (#547)

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_October 1st, 1997_

Time passes so slowly in this prison. It's only been a month since school had started, and yet it feels like an eternity.

If the rest of the school believes that because there are three staff-members that are Death Eaters that the Slytherins are happy and thriving, than they are very sadly mistaken.

Our common room is as muted and cold, as it ever was. Although now, it is far more quiet.

It reminds me of graves and I become increasingly anxious for something to happen. For either the world to end or...

I'm not sure what.

Love,  
_Theodore Nott_


	18. Letter XVIII

**Prompt:** Hope (#510)

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_October 3rd, 1997_

I saw Professor Snape today, while I was hiding in the Forbidden Forrest and skiving Muggle Studies (which has become a compulsory class, one that I never had any interest in, much less now).

It was strange, but somehow comforting.

Now, we only ever see him in the Great Hall, but apart from that he has become as scarcely seen as Professor Sinistra and Trelawney.

You know... I always thought, back in third year... that you had a crush on Professor Snape.

It used to give me hope... because if you could fancy someone as difficult and unattractive as Snape, I thought perhaps you could one day fancy me too.

Love,  
_Theodore Nott_


End file.
